A confused mind…
It should be expected that at the age of 35 that it should be clear what I want to become professionally. If not now (plenty of grey hair already) then when? That is the question? The truth is I am profoundly confused. It’s a known fact some children early on have a clear idea what they want to become when they grow up. In fact, last year I read a few biographical data and confirmed that many successful people knew from a very age what they wanted to be.
The culture I grew up in did not offer too many options. I never really had to do much thinking because the noble professions were very few: attorney or doctor. Anything else was not good enough. I was a good student growing up and still am to this day a student (maybe not as good) – and probably will be a student for a bit longer. I just love learning and school for that matter.
I am still trying to figure out where I fit in the realm of professions after a B.S in Biology and very soon a Master’s in another field totally unrelated. After graduating college, attended a technical school and got a Microsoft Certificate and started working in that field before completing the program and have been since specifically on the financial side of computers. I do not want to work on this area any longer and want out.
I am in a bit of a dilemma. Lately, not being too conscious of it is the desire to teach. The question that almost always follows is: teach what? Well –mathematics. I love the subject. Why not do it then? Because I am scared to death of my desires because of their tendencies to trip me up and send me on a total different course.
I do have a hard time differentiate between my desires which can look good outwardly but then turn out to be disasters later on. I am trying to walk that fine line where I want to do what God wants and not follow my own intuitions.
The lingering question is: should I pursue this desire or not? Is it math or not? Truth be told – I can’t quite think of what else it could be.
I was right at this juncture exactly 3 years ago and I even looked into it a bit then dropped the whole thing afterwards. I discussed the subject with a few godly friends whom I have great respect for and they advised me to follow through with it but I was still then somewhat perplexed as to what it should be. I wouldn’t mind teaching math at the high school level and even first year college or remedial math but doubt I can because I don’t have the credentials. I used to tutor other students in college in math – I guess I am not too terrible.
Since I am prone to make decisions only to later regret them – I am asking for your kind prayers and some godly advice. I am desperately seeking a change but one that I would look forward to getting up to in the morning and not dread.
Many thanks in advance.